Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

Finding Deaths Scythe

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Ernie should have known better than to piss off Death.

Death’s Scythe is missing, and he’s refusing to collect any more ghosts until Ernie gives it back.

There’s only one problem. Ernie didn’t steal it.

Unfortunately, Death’s Pride stops him from seeing any other answers. As the ghosts become a problem, Ernie has to choose: find the Scythe, or spend the rest of his retirement with people he couldn’t stand when they’d been alive.

With the ghosts in tow, Ernie starts at the one place in town that a thief might visit. The Rabid Rabbit. The brawl was not his fault.

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

To steal a laugh, pick up this book today.

In the Cards

The game is rigged; the youth is just an illusion, and for Goddess’ sake, don’t drink the tea.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

A family visitor is the last thing Ernie wants. Especially one who wants to play matchmaker, despite not being able to keep her own love life on track.

As the games begin, he knew he shouldn’t have shown her the poker table.

The stakes have been raised, and the prize is a night as a young couple. But when only the couple can see the illusion, Ernie must keep them safe from themselves.

The only way to stop the games is for Ernie to reunite his cousin with her girlfriend. But he is starting to wonder who thought Lust was a deadly sin. Clearly, it should have been Love.

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

Draw a laugh, pick up this book today.

A Genie's Day Off

Be careful what you wish for, it’s the Genie’s day off.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

Trusting a Genie might not have been the best idea, but when an old friend asks Ernie for a favour, he can’t say no. 

He should have.

When Ernie is summoned, the wish looks simple enough. Food without cost. He even followed the rules; maybe that had been where he went wrong?

The Magic is only trying to help, but the wishes are almost done, and nothing is going to plan.

Ernie must find a way to make it right before Gluttony really does become a deadly sin. But not before he finishes the popcorn. 

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry. 

No need to wish for a laugh. Pick up this book today.

The Wild Hunt

When the wild hunt rides, who said it had to be on horses? Of course, horses probably wouldn’t have broken down.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

When a friend is denied his inheritance, Ernie has no choice but to help him regain his due. A pact has been broken, and a challenge made. 

Ernie must keep everyone on the trail, but when help arrives from an unwelcome source, it’s never been harder.

Old ladies are overtaking them, joggers are outmatching them, and please, no one talk about the noise.

Never underestimate the Wrath of old men who think they are always right.

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

Don’t hunt for a laugh, pick up this book today.

All For One

Not all battles are fought with a sword.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

Lies, secrets, and suspicion. There is trouble afoot at Gard Village – Senior Living. If only everyone had remembered to turn their hearing aids on.

Accused of betraying his friends, Ernie fights to prove his innocence. But someone is not who they appear, and for once it’s not Ernie.

Now he must convince the others of the truth, or at least the part where he isn’t a thief; preferably before Envy forces him into retreat.

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

Don’t fight the laughter, pick up this book today.

The Granddad Swap

Ungrateful grandchildren, and old men who should know better. Switching it up at Gard Village – Senior Living has never been so dangerous.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

Ernie’s plan had been a good one – teach the boy a lesson. But who knew that body-swapping a granddad and his grandson would cause so much trouble?

The granddad has done a runner. The nurses think the grandson is crazy. But to make matters worse, the swap was never meant to be permanent. Now, because of one man’s Greed, both souls are dying.

Ernie races to reverse the magic, preferably before the dead souls start a new plague.

How hard can it be to find an old man in a young man’s body?

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

Switch up a laugh, pick up this book today.

Not My Problem

The ‘surprise’ in surprise party shouldn’t be for the host.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

Ernie doesn’t do parties, but when a messenger accidentally brings a wave of lethargy, he’s out of choices. How hard could it be?

He only has to keep the decorator awake, get the musician out of bed, and find someone to bake the cake. With time running out until the party starts, its make or break; now where do they store the eggs?

Sometimes even Sloth must bow to the will of old men.

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

Laughing is a piece of cake. Pick up this book today.

Time For Change

How would you deal with the end of the world?

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

All Ernie wants is one last drink before he faces his final battle, but his friends have other ideas, except their help is anything but helpful. 

Ragnarok’s hourglass is broken, Ernie’s sword is getting a little close for comfort, and Heimdall won’t stop blowing the damned horn. But who cares as long as Ernie shows up for the final battle?

Except Ernie’s done playing nice, and he’s not taking another step until he gets the sand out of his shoes. But what happens when he’s not the only one reluctant to face the end?

Can Ernie survive long enough to ride into battle one last time? Or could there be another choice?

Time for Change is the last story in the Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins series. It will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

Join Ernie on what might be his last adventure by picking this book up today.

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins

I am incredibly happy to announce more details on my new series of short stories that I am releasing this year. Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a comedy fantasy series, based in a retirement home named Gard Village–Senior Living. The series can be read in any order, and follows Ernie as he tries, and usually fails, to lead a quiet life.

Get the first story FINDING DEATH’S SCYTHE here early by signing up to my newsletter – https://www.jemmaweir.com/newsletter. If you’re already on the list, then check your emails for your copy, I will be sending one to everyone in my existing list.

Find out more about each story here – https://www.jemmaweir.com/erniesmithandthesevendeadlysins

I hope you will read and enjoy these books; I have certainly enjoyed writing them.

“Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.”

FINDING DEATH’S SCYTHE

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Ernie should have known better than to piss off Death.

Death’s Scythe is missing, and he’s refusing to collect any more ghosts until Ernie gives it back.

There’s only one problem. Ernie didn’t steal it.

Unfortunately, Death’s Pride stops him from seeing any other answers. As the ghosts become a problem, Ernie has to choose: find the Scythe, or spend the rest of his retirement with people he couldn’t stand when they’d been alive.

With the ghosts in tow, Ernie starts at the one place in town that a thief might visit. The Rabid Rabbit. The brawl was not his fault.

Ernie Smith and the Seven Deadly Sins is a series of short stories that will make you laugh and Ernie cry.

To steal a laugh, pick up this book today.

Free – https://www.jemmaweir.com/newsletter

Amazon – https://books2read.com/u/ml2gBP

Why did I decide to publish them this way?

I had a few options about how I was going to release these stories.

  • Wait until the middle to later half of the year and release as one volume.

I didn’t want to wait that long to publish them all in one go. It seemed a lifetime away. And each story was individual. They stand by themselves whether you have read the rest of the series or not.

  • Release them on all platforms, one at a time, and in a rapid release.

The problem with this is that each story is short, half the length of the other short stories I have out, and I wanted the price to reflect the length. The cheapest prices I could put the books up for were 77p each.

There is also a surprisingly large amount of work that goes into getting even a short story published. By releasing them together in a rapid release, I would still need to wait until the middle of the year to release them.

  • Publish each story on Kindle Unlimited every six weeks, for as cheap as it would allow me.

Kindle Unlimited allows readers to pick up the book at no extra cost to read them. Spreading out the timeline to six weeks gives plenty of time to edit, beta edit, and edit again before they are released.

So now I had my plan.

I would release them individually, over the course of the year, six weeks apart. From the first release, it takes me up to Christmas with 8 releases. (No, I didn’t do my maths wrong, keep reading)

I plan on combining all seven stories at the end of the year for those who liked to have them together. I am not exactly sure what that will look like, maybe an 8th story (or more), I haven’t decided yet.

If you want to wait until they are all together to buy them, the plan is to release it on Christmas eve. Keep your eyes open for more info on this coming soon.

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