The Life and Chaos of a Retired Old God

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering Ernie is a god, he should have known better.

In this collection of short stories, Ernie struggles to live a quiet life as Death loses his scythe, a genie wants a holiday, and Ernie’s family keeps dropping in. Then there’s Ragnarok. Because who doesn’t need an end-of-the-world event to keep things calm and quiet?

But it doesn’t stop there. This collection contains a brand new bonus short story where Ernie is asked to mediate a feud between Dragons. With tensions running high, maybe the poker game hadn’t been the best idea.

Also included in this collection are a series of flash fiction originally published on my blog. Follow Ernie as he deals with Cupid shooting the wrong person, Wererabbits for April Fools, Santa stuck in the chimney, and what happens to snowmen when the weather changes.

The Life and Chaos of a Retired Old God is a collection of humorous short stories where Ernie learns that quiet is the last thing he’s going to get.

Finding Death’s Scythe

This is the first story in The Life and Chaos of a Retired Old God.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Ernie should have known better than to piss off Death.

Death’s Scythe is missing, and he’s refusing to collect any more ghosts until Ernie gives it back.

There’s only one problem. Ernie didn’t steal it.

Unfortunately, Death’s Pride stops him from seeing any other answers. As the ghosts become a problem, Ernie has to choose: find the Scythe, or spend the rest of his retirement with people he couldn’t stand when they’d been alive.

With the ghosts in tow, Ernie starts at the one place in town that a thief might visit. The Rabid Rabbit. The brawl was not his fault.

Finding Death’s Scythe will make you laugh, and Ernie cry. To steal a laugh, pick up this book today.

In The Cards

This is the second story in The Life and Chaos of a Retired Old God.

The game is rigged; the youth is just an illusion, and for Goddess’ sake, don’t drink the tea.

Being retired was supposed to be easy. No drama, no family, no problems. Considering what he was, Ernie should have known better.

A family visitor is the last thing Ernie wants. Especially one who wants to play matchmaker, despite not being able to keep her own love life on track.

As the games begin, he knew he shouldn’t have shown her the poker table.

The stakes have been raised, and the prize is a night as a young couple. But when only the couple can see the illusion, Ernie must keep them safe from themselves.

The only way to stop the games is for Ernie to reunite his cousin with her girlfriend. But he is starting to wonder who thought Lust was a deadly sin. Clearly, it should have been Love.

In the Cards will make you laugh and Ernie cry. Draw a laugh by picking up this book today.